Top 2 Traits in a Mate

[Elisa Keisha]

but who could choose a man that have a good job but is not honest or is not conscious/spiritual??

[Learn06]

I think having a job, or some means of supporting ourselves is important and spirituality is more important.

[IfasehunReincarnated]

I am being a devils advocate obviously, but i thinks its time i expressed WHY i posted this poll.

• There is usually a GREAT difference between what we SAY we want and what we need.
• There is usually a GREAT difference between what we SAY we want and and what we ACCEPT into our lives.
• There is usually a GREAT difference between what we SAY we find to be most important and what we actually FOCUS on.

Many of us say we want a spiritual mate, but when i was dating I found that most women couldnt hold a spiritual conversation. lol They were visibly uncomfortable, shocked, or otherwise embarassed when they found me openly praising the presence of God and the evidence of spiritual activity in my life. My wife is obviously an exception.

Many of us say we want "honest mates" but what we actually want are mates that will save us the embarassment of telling us our shortcomings and will not tell us the truth if it will hurt our feelings. This is a BIG issue in western relationships.

While I agree, spirituality and honesty are very important I know the VAST majority of us would never date an over weight, unattactive human being. Now would we? I have to say I dated both, because I was more attracted to something else in them. But in general, I mostly avoided overweight and unattractive women.That's the real of it. Dating 3 heavyset sisters and 2 women that would deemed "very unattractive" by women AND men doesnt exempt me. Looks play a role in how Iyawo picked women right? Right, thats the complete truth. Now whats your complete truth?

Would you date a woman that always dressed in styles one decade too late?
Would you date a brother with a mouth full of gold teeth?
Would you date a sister in a wheel chair or that was missing an arm?
Would you date a man that was unemployed but that was spiritually together?

I know we have ideals. We all know right from wrong. As we grow our ideals change and we try to incorporate our new awareness in our selections of mates. The problem is that we arent always as hones as we should be about why we make our choices and how well we are doing in incorporating our "ideals" into our actual choices.

Food for thought.

[Elisa Keisha]

Maybe you should have asked us to confess what we look for in our mates… and not to choose 2options… coz I obviously would find difficult to feel atracted to someone that is unatractive to me!! And I obviously would want my man to do sumthin with his life… but I also would want him to be honest (as honest as I am, at least) and consciouss…. It wouldnt work otherwise…. So YES, My choices are not 100% representative of my reality…. But they are as representative as u have let them be…! :cheers:

[Nandii]

I chose honest, because everyone knows: "scratch a liar, you'll find a thief" and who needs either. And my other choice is physically fit because we all need to be fit and healthy first to get any job done. Anything, without health is nothing.

But to comment on this attractive thing I honestly am surprised at some of the answers about good looks because I am almost sure we all have had some experience with the "good looking" ppl who aren't worth thier salt, and usually that's why. Also, now that I have gotten more mature I've noticed that there is always something that I missed in the face or personality of a person that I have deemed 'unattractive' physically that surprises me upon close inspection. And I do mean every one of them.
I think that if we look at everyone like a mom does her own we could find it.

And remember there is somedone who thinks that you aint 'all that' either.

[sharifuhuriashujaa]

I think attractive and honest. In any fleshly being, the first thing that will catch someone's eye is what seems to be the most beautiful , visually fulfilling sight. We all know what looks good isn't always good though.

[Elisa Keisha]

Originally Posted by Nandii

And remember there is somedone who thinks that you aint 'all that' either.

u right!!

Another thing that annoys me is when somebody thats tryna get with u (he can be a close friend or a stranger) coz u "oh so pretty" (u know that type of crush), and u dont want them, if they are unatractive.... they always gotta say sumthin like "u are bein superficial coz if I was a cute boy u'd be with me"..... oh, maybe... and if I was an ugly girl u wouldnt want me!

The question would be...

should we let our instincts drive us or we should choose a mate with our mind? (I know what elders gon say....)

by the way Nandii, I luv ur avatar and ur signature if sooo cute!!

[Nandii]

Right on! Sistah Elisa,

(lol)That 'pretty' comment makes me think of so many others.

I... in particaular am a very dark sistah. Comments like I love a 'black' woman , or I love a 'big' woman, a small woman , or even giving the idea that anyone but a person of this particular characteristic is not worthy of your attention is ludicrus, Don't get me wrong I feel we are each entitled to our own preferences but ....occassionly we need to check out where these preferences are coming from.


WHERE did we get this idea of beauty or whatever 'it' is that strike our fancy?
And WHY it does? Some of those answers may be positive , but more than not... they are negatives and need adjusting.

Since we, as a ppl have had (somewhat) distorted vision for so long.

this speaks only to the 'attractive' portion of the poll

And Asante sana on the Avatar , ...I like yur quote

[Shawna]

I chose militant... as in Black Panther militant.A militant, pro Blacks, down for whateva brotha gets my attention everytime.

[Rebel Queen]

Originally Posted by IfasehunReincarnated

you are guys are easy. not a single person that voted counted having a mate with a job among their highest priorities. so let me get this straight. all you ladies are willing to support your man even when you first met him if he is honest and spiritual? lol...somebody isnt tellin the truth..hmm

Well i've dated a man who when i met him he didnt have a job and to be real with you. I didnt sweat it because he was a real MAN. Of course it would be nice to be employed but the world doesnt deal everyone the same hand and so things of that nature is secondary to me. When i meet someone my first question isnt, do you have a job, or how good is your credit. The guy that i dealt with at the time did not have a job but he didnt sit on his a** all day long either. He made the effort to look but no one was trying to hire him because of his appearance and to be honest i became even more attracted to him when he refused to conform to how they thought he should look and he never stopped looking. He let his hair grow very long past the middle of his back, was a big man and because he refused to do the whole suit and tie thing they thought he wasnt fit for the job and they were intimidated by his appearance. He finally did find one but he didnt have to alter his image to get it.. I can respect that completely in any man. I dont know about the rest of the sisters but i have no problem helping my man, (if he'll let me) but he has to show me that he is trying to help his self too and not take me for granted in anyway. To the brothers, if you meet a woman who is solely concerned with ya pockets, you better run real fast cause she aint gonna be around for too long if you cant give her what she wants, especially when things really get tough. A good woman will support a good man and a good man does not equate to being employed.

[BlkSpartacus]

[ A good woman will support a good man and a good man does not equate to being employed.[/QUOTE]

Thats what IAM TALKING ABOUT Rebel Queen that right their describes In my personal view the best trait LOyalty. Being real and loyaly to a person regardless. When Iwas cakeing everything was all good when you need something its was all good I guess you find out who's who when S##t hits the fan.

[Rebel Queen]

Originally Posted by BlkSpartacus

[ A good woman will support a good man and a good man does not equate to being employed.

Thats what IAM TALKING ABOUT Rebel Queen that right their describes In my personal view the best trait LOyalty. Being real and loyaly to a person regardless. When Iwas cakeing everything was all good when you need something its was all good I guess you find out who's who when S##t hits the fan.[/QUOTE]

Loyalty... Most people dont understand that concept and the ones that get it...find it hard to hold on too for whatever reason.

[NeterHeru]

Blessings of Peace and Serenity,

I believe honesty and spirituality make the best policy, plus the poll never said anything about your mate not having a job. It stated a good job and good credit. Most of our people--well at least the ones I know--I think have jobs they are not happy with. So, in the absence of having a good job and good credit, I will definitely choose a sister with integrity built into her character, a spiritual outlook and crummy job over the Supermodel-looking sister with that great money making job.

[OmoTutu]

I choose good credit and very spiritual. I figured the very spiritual included honest and attractive. I need my soldier to be able to operate successfully in this system so we can find the best exit strategy together. He must no the enemy, but be spiritual enough to not get warped by it.

[luvlee87]

i was completely honest i said militant (i.e. BLACK PANTHER MILITANT) and attractive.....however honest and good credit good job wouldnt hurt either.....to me, they are all desired qualities