Top 2 Traits in a Mate

[Jahness]

Respect and loyalty is first and foremost. My man has to have a balance of his sense of self. He can be militant, but if he isn't I am militant enough for both of us. :o) Seriously, though he at least has to know how to stand up for his right as a man of African decent, if nothing else.
His spirituality, he must be comfortable with, and able to feel free to express it, in his own way. Yes, on that intimate level, children is a blessing, so he has to want kids as well. The seeds of our race has to be born, and ladies and gentlemen, that does not mean one household to populate the whole earth either...hahahahah. Some of us like to do the do, only for pleasure, and not to continue the seeds of our family. Have fun indeed, but as you mature mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, think about the consequences of your actions, and the life you may be blessed with to take care of. Too many children being brought into this crazy world without proper care or love is not good either.
Having a job is great we all must do our part to contribute and survive in this world. A man has to know that who brings in the money should not matter if we are in a committed relationship. At the same time he has to know how to fend for himself and his family if he has one. Having a job does not necessarily mean working for massa. A brother or sister can be self employed doing what they do best. Each one has to know how to be self reliant as well as how to work as a team and present themselves to the world as king and queen, showing strength, militancy, spiritual connectedness, love and most of all an unbreakeable bond with each other.

[she_ba]

in response to the wondrins about financial states and credit. my ex didnt have a job for months. he had horrible credit. we traveled together by bus most of the time...or foot if we had to. i aided him in money managment when i cd. if he was hungry and i cd feed him i did. if he cd do that for me he did. he's working now. doing his thing and im proud of the accomplishments that he has made for himself and w/in this "state".

as for the attractivness i am currently checking out all of the brothas i normally wldnt based on somebody elses idea of beauty. one brotha of potential interest now is younger (which id never before consider) but very nation minded and growing into his conscious self.

[Little95]

Heart & SouLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Rebel Queen]

Originally Posted by Little95

Heart & SouLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

and FIYAH!!!!! :cheers:

[Daisho]

I Choose Honesty And Physical Fitness...Honesty I think is key because you have a building point where ideals and philosophy can be laid out on the table. A woman you can trust with your secrets will maintain your mystique and magic thus making you feel positive alive and ready to take on anything. She's not like her girlfriends who destroy her man in front of her friends just to have a story to tell. Honesty means she'll pull your card when you're getting ahead of yourself as brothers tend to do when things are going well we take these unusual gambles. Honesty means she'll let you know what she truly believes and she won't be some yes woman smiling in ya' face type who goes along with whatever you say. Physical fitness...not as if she's to be a gymnast or acrobat ( a martial artist, now that's a plus!) but someone who'll endure through the years and not have bad physical habits like drinking, excessive fast food consumption serving up plates of death at the dinner table and also in the event we need to boogie or break north in a hurry I can count on her to be agile and strong and not need to be carried. If we can strategize together and assist each other in keeping sound mind and body everything else can follow.

[QueenWarriorNefertari]

I chose Honest and Politically Active..cuz a brother does not have to be VERY Spiritual. Just spiritually balanced with me is cool. Pray and meditate together. Commune and connect on that higher plane.

More than that though, I can't do dishonesty, untrustworthy, liars. And because I am down for the cause, he needs to be too for us to build. Cuz thats at the forefront of my life...doing for my people in anway I can, with all I got.

[Raha]

Originally Posted by QueenWarriorNefertari

I chose Honest and Politically Active..cuz a brother does not have to be VERY Spiritual. Just spiritually balanced with me is cool. Pray and meditate together. Commune and connect on that higher plane.

More than that though, I can't do dishonesty, untrustworthy, liars. And because I am down for the cause, he needs to be too for us to build. Cuz thats at the forefront of my life...doing for my people in anway I can, with all I got.

I chose honesty and politically active as well. For me, I know that I am not where I want to be when knowing about the different political issues going on in the world (although I am doing my best to change that), and it would be great to have a Sister that gave me a different perspective on those issues, or to bring up issues that I previously did not know about.

Honesty is huge with me. I'd want for her to be honest with me; if my eyes aren't seeing what she is seeing and she feels that I need to see what she sees as to not have shades on to the world, then I'd want for her to tell me.

[IfasehunReincarnated]

one of my favorite threads of all time. super bump

[G.O.D.F.A.T.H.A.]

Yea this thread is good for the forum.

[IfasehunReincarnated]

Originally Posted by she_ba

in response to the wondrins about financial states and credit. my ex didnt have a job for months. he had horrible credit. we traveled together by bus most of the time...or foot if we had to. i aided him in money managment when i cd. if he was hungry and i cd feed him i did. if he cd do that for me he did. he's working now. doing his thing and im proud of the accomplishments that he has made for himself and w/in this "state".

as for the attractivness i am currently checking out all of the brothas i normally wldnt based on somebody elses idea of beauty. one brotha of potential interest now is younger (which id never before consider) but very nation minded and growing into his conscious self.

I have to say this is one of the most beautiful posts thus far. Through these short words we have seen some of the truest elements of a good relationship:

support
selflessness
humility
encouragement
empowerment


and even though it seems you arent with this person anymore you dont harbor any relationships' worst enemies: hate, bitterness, regret or second-guessing.

kudos to you.

[Bastet]

-i needed more than two but my top two were honesty and spirituality.
i feel if you have a balance of those two, the rest will fall into place.

[Escobar]

2 traits u say???

2 traits

[Kamau Sentwali]

Originally Posted by Daisho

I Choose Honesty And Physical Fitness...Honesty I think is key because you have a building point where ideals and philosophy can be laid out on the table. A woman you can trust with your secrets will maintain your mystique and magic thus making you feel positive alive and ready to take on anything. She's not like her girlfriends who destroy her man in front of her friends just to have a story to tell. Honesty means she'll pull your card when you're getting ahead of yourself as brothers tend to do when things are going well we take these unusual gambles. Honesty means she'll let you know what she truly believes and she won't be some yes woman smiling in ya' face type who goes along with whatever you say. Physical fitness...not as if she's to be a gymnast or acrobat ( a martial artist, now that's a plus!) but someone who'll endure through the years and not have bad physical habits like drinking, excessive fast food consumption serving up plates of death at the dinner table and also in the event we need to boogie or break north in a hurry I can count on her to be agile and strong and not need to be carried. If we can strategize together and assist each other in keeping sound mind and body everything else can follow.

Those the 2 I chose but I thought It'd come off shallow.

I'm lucky to have a queen that's all of the traits listed except for 'wants children" and "vegetarian" and that's cool cause I don't want any children either and I do the cooking so she'll be a vegetarian if she likes it or not.

[WombanAuset]

Originally Posted by IfasehunReincarnated

I am being a devils advocate obviously, but i thinks its time i expressed WHY i posted this poll.

• There is usually a GREAT difference between what we SAY we want and what we need.
• There is usually a GREAT difference between what we SAY we want and and what we ACCEPT into our lives.
• There is usually a GREAT difference between what we SAY we find to be most important and what we actually FOCUS on.

Many of us say we want a spiritual mate, but when i was dating I found that most women couldnt hold a spiritual conversation. lol They were visibly uncomfortable, shocked, or otherwise embarassed when they found me openly praising the presence of God and the evidence of spiritual activity in my life. My wife is obviously an exception.

Many of us say we want "honest mates" but what we actually want are mates that will save us the embarassment of telling us our shortcomings and will not tell us the truth if it will hurt our feelings. This is a BIG issue in western relationships.

While I agree, spirituality and honesty are very important I know the VAST majority of us would never date an over weight, unattactive human being. Now would we? I have to say I dated both, because I was more attracted to something else in them. But in general, I mostly avoided overweight and unattractive women.That's the real of it. Dating 3 heavyset sisters and 2 women that would deemed "very unattractive" by women AND men doesnt exempt me. Looks play a role in how Iyawo picked women right? Right, thats the complete truth. Now whats your complete truth?

Would you date a woman that always dressed in styles one decade too late?
Would you date a brother with a mouth full of gold teeth?
Would you date a sister in a wheel chair or that was missing an arm?
Would you date a man that was unemployed but that was spiritually together?

I know we have ideals. We all know right from wrong. As we grow our ideals change and we try to incorporate our new awareness in our selections of mates. The problem is that we arent always as hones as we should be about why we make our choices and how well we are doing in incorporating our "ideals" into our actual choices.

Food for thought.

True Very True....

[Daisho]

Originally Posted by Kamau Sentwali

Those the 2 I chose but I thought It'd come off shallow.

I'm lucky to have a queen that's all of the traits listed except for 'wants children" and "vegetarian" and that's cool cause I don't want any children either and I do the cooking so she'll be a vegetarian if she likes it or not.

I would sooner take the risk of seeming shallow than righteous...there's nothing worse than fronting just to please the aristocratic holier than thou zealots..lol. Be real you dig who you dig. If that's how you get down ( I certainly do) so be it. If I happened to get with a Vegan cool, help me get my health on, if she happened to have children alright...but ya' ex-husband or baby daddy needs to know his limitations and respect the new sheriff in town. Nothing more nothing less.