What am I doing wrong???

[Jalili]

Okay this is for the sisters.............

I've been single for a while getting my self mentally fit to be ready to build a relationship with a really queen for once in my life. I have started only trying to talk to women I feel may be more aware of themselves and the fact that they are goddesses not the "hood chicks" that want to stay "hood chicks" every women I go after with natural hair just turn their nose up at me as if I'm just the normal street kat trying to get their____ you know but I'm really trying to be a good guy what all women say they want but it seems the nice guy apporach the atempt and trying to make real convo isn't working. I'm begining to wonder If I have no touch or that natural women here don't like natural men here.
I felt like I need to talk to my sister for help on this one What am I doing wrong???

[Jalili]

This is funny because I just got done talking with a sleeping wombman (not selfaware yet) and she had her read perm peacock hair doo long names and gucci bage and apple bottoms (the reason I stopped her) and she gave me a good chance yet she had a man and all but then I saw another sister with RBG on and she tells me shes gay............................WHATS GOING ON???

[Naturallyblessed]

Oh gosh Jaboom, poor you! I realised that not all natural haired women are conscious at all. I do locs and majority of the women l do are not clued up at all and have white partners. The level of woman that you need is not going to be that easy to find. I am in the same boat as you are. I need a man who is aware and conscious and I'm not sure if there are any single ones left in the UK.

The ancestors will send you your Queen in time, just a matter of being patient. Every day I ask them to please hurry up and send me my King lol!

Hotep

[she_ba]

put that energy out there. continue to exemplfy blk excellence in your circle--before the women in the street/on the corner/round the way. we sisters are often attracted to demeanor/aura/vibrations. It aint so much what a man says--but what he doesn't and how he doesn't.

peace

[Mamazen]

put that energy out there. continue to exemplfy blk excellence in your circle--before the women in the street/on the corner/round the way. we sisters are often attracted to demeanor/aura/vibrations. It aint so much what a man says--but what he doesn't and how he doesn't.

peace

Right on point!

[JOSIE]

Don't search because u will find it easier. Don't settle for less and just keep being the man u are. It's hard to find that special someone. Just live life go to the places u like to go do what u like to do and u will meet that someone at one of those places.

[rebelAfrika]

Okay this is for the sisters.............

I've been single for a while getting my self mentally fit to be ready to build a relationship with a really queen for once in my life. I have started only trying to talk to women I feel may be more aware of themselves and the fact that they are goddesses not the "hood chicks" that want to stay "hood chicks" every women I go after with natural hair just turn their nose up at me as if I'm just the normal street kat trying to get their____ you know but I'm really trying to be a good guy what all women say they want but it seems the nice guy apporach the atempt and trying to make real convo isn't working. I'm begining to wonder If I have no touch or that natural women here don't like natural men here.
I felt like I need to talk to my sister for help on this one What am I doing wrong???

I know you asked the sisters for input on this one...but I say instead of going for the "conscious on the outside, fake on the inside" sisters, you should just go for one of those "hood chicks" that you was avoiding and teach them to be conscious. Let those fake conscious sisters keep dreaming they gonna hook up "Maxwell" or "Lenny Kravitz" or whatever.

[Jalili]

put that energy out there. continue to exemplfy blk excellence in your circle--before the women in the street/on the corner/round the way. we sisters are often attracted to demeanor/aura/vibrations. It aint so much what a man says--but what he doesn't and how he doesn't.

peace

You know you almost lost me with "do nothing" because I sort of use to being a "hunter" in a sense My eyes jump to what ever looks nice walking by I know I'm bad for that but my eyes pick up motion and shapes and colors like a lion I guess you would say. Thats why JOSIE I search but I didn't ask for help just to tell you that I don't understand I'm glad I'm actually getting some insight to what I should be doing.

Thanks for the advice I'm going to make myself look very availble lol and rebelAfirka I'll take any advice I can get thanks bruh.

[JOSIE]

I know you asked the sisters for input on this one...but I say instead of going for the "conscious on the outside, fake on the inside" sisters, you should just go for one of those "hood chicks" that you was avoiding and teach them to be conscious. Let those fake conscious sisters keep dreaming they gonna hook up "Maxwell" or "Lenny Kravitz" or whatever.

I wouldn't suggest trying to change the person u r in a relationship with. It's better to find someone on the same page as u same mental state as u. You should be able to tell the real from the fake once u start to get to know a person. It's not what's outside that counts that's the truth.

[rebelAfrika]

I wouldn't suggest trying to change the person u r in a relationship with. It's better to find someone on the same page as u same mental state as u. You should be able to tell the real from the fake once u start to get to know a person. It's not what's outside that counts that's the truth.

Well...I'm not telling him to get a "steadfast ignorant" woman. But I think if he gets a "hood chick" that is into him FOR HIM (and not some fake ass fantasy in her head that she is trying to live out), then she is gonna respect the things he tells her about (and vice versa).

[JOSIE]

I'm from the hood, but I don't consider myself to be a "hood chick" but I'm not a fake fantasy chick either. It's possible to be in between.

I see what ur saying but hood isn't the right word more like down to earth. Someone who can keep it real. Some of those hood chicks are too caught up and wouldn't give it up for the world. They want a hood "NIGGA" that's a thug. Not a real man with ambition and a future. All I'm saying is it's hard to get any adult to change if they don't want to. Good luck with that.

[rebelAfrika]

I'm from the hood, but I don't consider myself to be a "hood chick" but I'm not a fake fantasy chick either. It's possible to be in between.

I see what ur saying but hood isn't the right word more like down to earth. Someone who can keep it real. Some of those hood chicks are too caught up and wouldn't give it up for the world. They want a hood "NIGGA" that's a thug. Not a real man with ambition and a future. All I'm saying is it's hard to get any adult to change if they don't want to. Good luck with that.

I was justing using the terminology ("Hood Chick") that he used...but (speaking to JABOOM) all of my relationships have been failures (thus I am single) so maybe you better listen to JOSIE.

[Seeking Ma'at]

That you have received some good advice thus far. Josie said

Just live life go to the places u like to go do what u like to do and u will meet that someone at one of those places.

Even if you don't meet someone at one of your chill spots/events that you enjoy, you may meet somone who knows someone in their circle looking for a brotha like yourself. I'm not talking about a hookup kind of situation, but once you expand your circle of friends and start making ties to various associations/organizations you meet more and more people.

Also agree that you shouldn't try to change someone. Even though some may say that what's on the outside reflects what's on the inside, that's not necessarily so, like one sister said about sistas with locs dating White men. You may meet one of those sisters who looks like a "hood chick" externally but has the most conscious of conscious of mind...she is just in "transition" of getting her physical to match her mental. And you can always be that brotha to support her in that "transition".

[Sun Ship]

Brother JABOOM, as these kind sisters with their beautiful spirits and bright minds continue to elaborate on your inquiry, let me just humbly interject something.

Sometimes you will hear antidotes, or sisters will tell you what they seem to be attracted to, then when you get back to “real” experiences, and in “real” time there seems to be a disconnect, or too many glaring contradictions to what you’ve just heard. Though I don’t deny the veracity or sincerity of what’s been relayed to you in this thread, in respect to what’s been already said, you have to remember that young Black women, and especially those who are deeming or seeming to be “conscious” are also going through transitions and wrestling with identity (though they may believe they have arrived) as even many so-called conscious brothers are who are in this artificial and bastardized social reality we all find ourselves in.

It takes a lot of introspection, wisdom, and the art of observation to usefully connect what is being said, to what you see is “really” happening before you eyes! It takes skill to decipher and further distinguish what a person wants, as compared to what they say they need. And I’ll say this respectfully, many times, most Sisters cannot assess those differences themselves, nor can they bring them in balance (and this goes for men also)! The disunion of Black male/female relationships in general, as we can observe in such horrific numbers, can attest to this regardless of how conscious or unconscious we all are.

I agree with much of what’s already been said, you have to be yourself, and present the real and natural you with all it’s seeming contradictions, (“that we all have”), not just the more demure and presentable you (you should observe this about women also). Don’t fall into the dangerous “I can change this person game”, especially if it’s more than a platonic relationship you’re seeking.

Remember also, there are thousands of “special someone’s”, you just need to find at least one of them (be it for just this time in your life or beyond).

Also talk to some wise elder sisters (as well as elder brothers) in your circles or community; you’ll be surprised what unique insight they can give you. You know, those old sisters who can read life and cut you the truth “all the way down to the bone”. These elder Sisters will give you some honest observations about young Black women, for they’re way beyond the confusion of youth, or any delusional “play” left in the game. The thoughts of elders use to play a big part in our traditions and companion selecting until recently; for they have been where you are, and though their eyes may be bad, they can see far off into the distance.

[afua1908]

Brother, Peace

I have a few recommendations. Take out of list of the Qualities that you like i.e. 10. Now being that you are on here ask a Conscious Sista to hook you up with someone. Next, read several books i.e. George Subira "Money Issues In Black Male/Female Relationships, Next the Natural Blueprint for Relationships by Baba Yao. Maybe then How to keep a BMW, by Dr. Julia Hare. Realize this most people particularly Black Woman are interested in first and foremost "How much you make" or "Where you went to some school" usually mean sometype of White School. They are also immediately interested in your Occupation since they are calculating Annual Salaries and/or potential. Many sista's that some may seek are quite Negroish. They may have a Degree or two and therefore want a "Corporate" Brother image as Dr. Hare discusses. I think the strategy for REAL Conscious brothers is to have a level of Business Knowledge, Entrepreneurial sophistication and money management. It could be more difficult if one has a child or two. Many sista's that have something going on wouldn't even get involved with a brother that has children and vice versa. I also suggest meeting sista's only at Health Food Spots, Bookstores and Conscious Lectures. Other than that they are going to be Negroish. Some brothers suggested going to church b4 I met my Queen I tried that. The Church Negro Woman one will not get far with teaching them anything. They love Crakkka's. I also recommend Mass Marketing on various websites. Be aware most Sista's on these website are Negro's. I've studied this tremendously. If they are not on this site and/or a few others 98 to 99% of them are going to be so Eurocentric and Self Hating they will have you spending your money on frivilous things like Negro Trips to Negro Places like Disneyworld, Water World or King's Dominion. So mass marketing with a Conscious Profile. Even Advertise in a Conscious Magazine. I mean its just like a job. Don't limit yourself just to your immediate enviroment either. I have to commute just a little to be with my Queen. In closing, Attend Kwanzaa, Black History Month and Black Holidays know the eligibles in your area. If you do this keep yourself sharp and clean. Put out your knowledge via call-in radio. Many sista's that are looking for a healthy brother listen to radio. Although I realize that most Black Woman are Negro's if they have a little bit of money from there "good job" at least they can buy a book or two. Yeah, Check out what they have read--Most important. One can tell alot from a sista's library. If the only books you see are "My Baby Daddy is a Gangsta" or "Hip Hop Trick Gangsta B" then maybe you may wish to look elsewhere. Don't settle "too much" for a weave wearing, blonde haired, white jesus worshipping, Soror or even dysfunctional urbanized sista's that you "can not" build up. I thought about that what if for instance I met a Ghettoized sista. I did some 5 years ago. She was quasi Conscious read a few books though socially was not confident to build and finance our Revolution. I wasn't doing as well as I am now and could not spend no time with an ungrateful unskilled sista that did not appreciate a good brother.