Coming this fall: ‘Marry your Baby's Daddy Day’

[Im The Truth]

Coming this fall: ‘Marry your Baby's Daddy Day’
Date: Friday, January 07, 2005
By: MONICA M. LEWIS, BlackAmericaweb.com

With the rate of black children being born to unwed parents nearly triple that of whites, one single, childless sister is doing all that she can to get black parents to the altar.

Maryann Reid, a Brooklyn-based author, is spearheading “Marry Your Baby Daddy Day,” a free mass wedding that will take place this fall at Brooklyn’s House of the Lord Church. In addition to having the Rev. Herb Daughtry officiate the ceremony, Reid has secured wedding dress designers, wedding planners and vendors to make the day special for those unwed parents serious about strengthening the structure of black families.

“I’m not saying that marriage is the answer, but it’s a start,” Reid told BlackAmericaWeb.com Thursday. In previous years, Reid has delved into the often-turbulent world of black dating in her books, “Use Me or Lose Me” and “About Sex and the Single Sister: Five Novellas.” Her next book, “Marry Your Baby Daddy,” is scheduled to be released this year.

When Reid presented Daughtry with a proposal to hold a mass wedding for black unwed parents last year, she was hoping one or two couples in her borough would express an interest. Today, plans are to have Daughtry officiate an all-expense paid ceremony for 10 couples in New York. Both believe the project could benefit unwed couples across the nation.

“This is sending a message to our people that this is the way to go,” said Daughtry, who’s been fielding calls from couples from as far away as Delaware after an article about the project appeared in the New York Daily News this week. While Daughtry doesn’t want to condemn or judge all unwed couples, he does want them to realize the impact their actions have on children – and not just the ones they conceive.

“Unwed couples should understand that they’re a part of a larger society, and they have an influence on children,” said Daughtry. “How do you say to the youth that [unwed parenting] is ideal?

“Children are very precocious, especially in these days,” Daughtry continued, adding that at a young age, children can begin to question why mommy and daddy aren’t husband and wife. And their peers, Daughtry said of children, will not only question, but may tease those who are deemed illegitimate by society’s standards.

“Children have a way of being cruel,” said Daughtry. “And that can become uncomfortable for the children.”

A study by the National Center for Health Statistics reported that black women accounted for 68 percent of unmarried women in 2002, compared to 23 percent of whites.

In 1965, black women accounted for 25 percent compared to 3 percent for whites.

Unwed parenting is an issue that also generates debates on scholarly and political levels. William Galston, interim dean at the University of Maryland School of Public Policy, said blacks should be pleased to know that the rate of teen pregnancy is down within their community, but the rise of unwed parenting amongst black adults is alarming.

Somehow, said Galston, some people believe cohabitation is the same as marriage, and it is not.

“If more people understood just how positive a stable marital relationship is for their kids, then more people would get married,” said Galston, who, during the first Clinton administration, served as deputy assistant to the president for domestic policy. “Making the official decision to get married both symbolizes and enforces the idea of commitment and all of the actions that follow.”

Reid believes that now is the time to stop talking about unwed couples and inspire them to take the next step.

“There was a time, not too long ago, when black men would go to a club, see a woman and say, ‘She’s going to be my wife,’” said Reid.

“Now, you have guys saying, ‘She’s going to be my baby’s mama.’”

The trend, as Reid calls it, has become popular in part due to popular culture. Rappers brag about their “baby’s mama,” and celebrities, like music mogul P. Diddy, who has a child with his girlfriend, Kim Porter, continue to be role models for impressionable young people. She points to the whirlwind that surrounded news of basketball phenom LeBron James when it was revealed his girlfriend gave birth to their first child last fall.

“Marry My Baby Daddy Day,” Reid said, was created to give people options and, more importantly, motivation. She also hopes the buzz surrounding the project will move women to set a new tone for their relationships.

“Hopefully, this will bring some awareness to the issue and show people, visually, the possibilities associated with marriage,” Reid said, adding that the example set by married parents go a long way in the development of a child.

“When you come from a two-parent household, you have a role model and something to aspire to,” Reid said, acknowledging that some unwed parents soon realize this. She applauds NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal, who married his “baby’s mama,” Shaunie, in 2002 after they had two children out of wedlock.

For parents who don’t marry, Reid said it could become a problem for society at large.

“If it’s not addressed soon, it’ll just become a breakdown of the family structure,” Reid said, attributing the trend to a change in culture. Daughtry agreed, adding that the change in opportunities for blacks, especially women, has had an affect on the family structure.

“There is a trend, and it comes with the independence of women who can make it on their own,” said Daughtry. “And there just seems to be a general loosening of standards that are accepted publicly.”

Daughtry and Reid agree that not all parents should marry. Forcing unwed parents to take the plunge could do more harm than good, so Reid hopes only those who believe theirs is a match made in heaven should apply. “If you choose or feel comfortable being unmarried [parents], that’s your choice,” said Reid. “But we really hope to inspire those who are together and want to take it to another level.”

[Mamazen]

If she really wanted this to be a thoughtful gesture (not to mention to be taken seriously) she should have came up with a better title than that...Something like "Family Unity Day" or something of that nature.

[Jalili]

Maybe instead of marry your baby mama day how about a

WAIT TILL YOUR MARRIED TO HAVE KIDS MONTH OR SOMETHING USEFUL

[Blackmind]

This lady was on that CNN special last night. She said she doesn't see anything wrong with the term marry your baby daddy and at first a number of people pushed the idea back because they felt it would be "ghetto"

Could we at least acknowledge the fact that she is trying to address and issue that needs to be addressed while a number of other people aren't. I am not into westernized version of marriage although I am married, however something has to be done to address the current family structure. She has also married somewhere near 30 families already if i am correct.

[Mamazen]

Originally Posted by Blackmind

This lady was on that CNN special last night. She said she doesn't see anything wrong with the term marry your baby daddy and at first a number of people pushed the idea back because they felt it would be "ghetto"

Could we at least acknowledge the fact that she is trying to address and issue that needs to be addressed while a number of other people aren't. I am not into westernized version of marriage although I am married, however something has to be done to address the current family structure. She has also married somewhere near 30 families already if i am correct.

No one is trying to take away from what she is trying to do. However, if she wants people to take it seriously in addition to being successful then maybe she should not use a term that pretty much is a societal stigma and is pretty much a default term for us when it is used for our communities. That is why people shied away from it as being "ghetto".

We need to start re-defining our existance using better terminology.

[Blackmind]

I think she chose her terminology for a reason. I think she designed this program for a certain set of people. I think sometimes we can get over caught up in terminology. I think using Marxist and Academic terminology plagued groups during the 60's and 70's. I think she is using the proper terminology for the group she is targeting. If we can take terms that were placed on us and redefine them, why can't we take a term we placed upon our selves and make something beautiful out of it?

It's like a foundation some girl made called the I Give a Damn foundation. It has been successful although when it first started many groups didn't like the name and moved away from it. However the vibes from the name hit certain people and they decided to work with it. One of the first principles of teaching is that you have to know who your students are before you can truely know how to reach them. This applies to more than just teaching and I think she already understands this principle.

[Mamazen]

Originally Posted by Blackmind

I think she chose her terminology for a reason. I think she designed this program for a certain set of people. I think sometimes we can get over caught up in terminology. I think using Marxist and Academic terminology plagued groups during the 60's and 70's. I think she is using the proper terminology for the group she is targeting. If we can take

terms that were placed on us and redefine them, why can't we take a term we placed upon our selves and make something beautiful out of it?

It's like a foundation some girl made called the I Give a Damn foundation. It has been successful although when it first started many groups didn't like the name and moved away from it. However the vibes from the name hit certain people and they decided to work with it. One of the first principles of teaching is that you have to know who your students are before you can truely know how to reach them. This applies to more than just teaching and I think she already understands this principle.

Your right. but, that is the same tired argument that is used regarding the use of the "N" word.

Unfortunately, the term is not confined to a specific group or sub-group. It is used as a sweeping generalization for us as a people regardless of economic status. The myopic stance and view of limiting her work to a specific sub- group and ignoring that the problem also exists among other socio-economic classes of our people is why solutions like this have a very low success rate or fail overall.

Because I can assure you there are those that are in the working and middle class too that may be interested but that will be clearly turned off by such a dergratory title. Are they not to be a part of her success also?

[Blackmind]

I wasn't actually talking about the N word. I was talking about our acceptance and use of the terms African and Black which were also placed upon us by others.

The term is not designated for a specific group or subgroup, but ask anyone to close their eyes, and envision a baby momma or baby daddy and draw the image that comes to their head. Who do you think the majority of those images would look like?

And yes some of those in the middle or working class may be interested but turned off due to the name. But that happens all the time. There are some in the working or middle class who may be turned off by a rally because the flyer uses the term African instead of African American. Some may want to be involved in the struggle for black liberation but may be turned off to this site because they feel the person who it was named after doesn't deserve to be seen as a heroine. Some may be turned off by the Red, black, and green flag because they feel that too many of us have died for the American Flag. People will always be rubbed the wrong way or put off. Sometimes its not about adjusted who we are, how we feel, and how we present ourselves and our organizations to ensure they fit in. Sometimes it must be the other way around.

[Sublimelight]

Originally Posted by Mamazen

No one is trying to take away from what she is trying to do. However, if she wants people to take it seriously in addition to being successful then maybe she should not use a term that pretty much is a societal stigma and is pretty much a default term for us when it is used for our communities. That is why people shied away from it as being "ghetto".

We need to start re-defining our existance using better terminology.

Htp,

Mamazen, I agree with you sister. We always use apologies to cover up lack of "high culture, deep thought". Some of our people seek to normalize our lapses and sub-optimal views, I dis-agree with them. We should speak, act, engage, and organize to the GOOD/BEST/MAAT. Instead of appealing to the "baby momma" ideal, appeal to our sense of respect for children, strong views on morality and our heritage. We just did not wake up with a "baby momma" situation, it was created. The only way to destroy an "ideal" is with another equally strong/potent "ideal".

I like the ideal the sister came up with, but the wording does not appeal to me at all. It is as if she is joking with our plight as a people, like a Bernie'Mac performance. We always play with words but never under-estimate their value to shape the world. We have enough loaded language hurled at our community, "Welfare", "criminal", "backward", "N-word", and various others which set us up for various designs by babylon.

Shm htp,

[AfroNinpo]

Maryann Reid and Soledad O'Brien discussing "Marry Your Baby Daddy Day"

[Fenix]

Beautiful idea. Bad package.

But then again maybe it appeals to the people she's trying to reach.

Either way, it's a positive step toward reuniting Black families so I can dig it.