Are Good Sisters Still Around? Good Sisters Speak Out!

[IfasehunReincarnated]

The battle of sexes, the breakdown of the black family and the lack of respect and faith in the opposite gender compells black people to ask the question that no other race seems to ever bother with: are there any good ones left?

The answer is Yes. But maybe you're not ready to meet your match. The answer is Yes, but we still have lots of problems in BOTH women and men before that become an overwhelming affirmative. But in the meantime, we have to stop treating each other like animals, we need to own up to our responsibility for portraying our gender with dignity and try not to pass on our negative attitude to our children.

[Draptomania]

I believe there ARE good women AND men. The problem is: findind the one that is right for you. I have been through several awful relationships. I am thankful that I did go through them because the past has made me appreciate my current boyfriend that much more. When me and my current met, my esteem was low from previous failed relationships. Both of us had been hurt badly before and we were wary of getting emotionally attached to each other. Once we found out we were on the same page, the bliss began. Yes, we have arguements, but we have the patience and persistance to work them out. I NEVER belittle him in ways that would make him feel less of a man and we both encourage each other to do what we aspire to do. Not that y'all wanted a novel, but that's my two cents (lol)

[New Dwaben Chief]

I've never gone on a date with a bad sista, all of the ones I've been out with have great qualities about them. All will make a guy happy....

But talking to some of my homegirls, it seems like finding a good brotha is hard to find. When I say good brotha from my friends standard I mean...

-Inteligent

-family oriented

-Monogamous (not a player)

- Good job (or in college)

-Respectful towards sistas

etc.

But those seem to be the key things that they're looking for, and most brothas they encounter just want the booty.

I'm curious to hear some sistas comment on this

I also find it funny how a few of my other home girls don't have a problem finding a good brotha.

[Elisa Keisha]

thats interestin. Maybe the sistahs that find their "good" men are lookin for a different type of good man, or are they a different type of woman? or it is just good/bad luck?

A good man for me needs to respect me, be able to talk about different subjects and be open minded. The rest are just accesories that add points to the atraction I can feel for him. But these three points are necessary for a good relationship.

By the way, a friend of mine once said, if u want a father for ur child, give them a mother. How much truth on that subject.

[FreedomChild]

There are good sisters and brothers out there. Most of us have been so hurt, that we are afraid to open up when we find a good match. I have hope, even though I've had a hard time finding someone to give all of my goodness to. While talking to some girlfriends, I realized that most of us (we're all under 30) aren't even sure about what we want. We have to find ourselves, find our place in life, educate ourselves, live for ourselves. Only then can we be comfortable enough to open up to others. On the other hand, sometimes we know what we want, but we're too scared to say it. i know there have been plenty of times that i've felt myself falling for a young man, but I denied him all of my heart because I thought he would reject me. Most of the guys around me have that 'Big money baller' mentality. They all want to be rappers and sleep with a lot of women. So, I guess I prejudge most men because i think they will be the same. I was not about to let myself get hurt. I don't know. It's a confusing subject. The only thing that I can be sure of is that if I live right, I will be spiritually guided to my soulmate.

Love to all,
FreedomChild :cheers:

[Storm]

I don't have problems finding a good brutha. I just can't find one my age! They're always 30 or better.

Things that I like are the ability to lead and be the head of the household, but knows when to listen to me. Knows what he stands for. Family oriented. I love when a man seems so serious to everyone else, but at home he's a teddy bear. I want to know someone that no one else knows. But now I'm going into la la land so I'll just go! lol

[Sun Ship]

Excellent Thread!

It is obvious, that there are some good, or better yet, righteous Sisters still around, (they tell me that themselves) but it seems like, (once again, in their own words) they are having a hard time finding a “good� man. So, I would like to humbly opine in that context.

Over the years, after various experiences and exposure to the wisdom of others, I have come to realize that there is sometimes a difference between “good� and righteous. Now, I’m not using righteous in a puritanical or prudish type of way, nor am I saying, that good is necessarily a lesser moral state of being, but I’ve always thought about the old saying, “the road to hell is paved, with good intentions�.

I believe Sisters and Brothers are always looking for “good� mates that comply with the state of mind they are presently in. But righteous Sisters… a righteous Brother, should be challenging and forthright. Bringing applicable knowledge and innovation to a relationship. As, I believe Sister Assata Shakur once said, “ A revolutionary sister, don’t need a reactionary man�. And it is easy to be a “good� person and a reactionary in America.

Now, a challenging man is not somebody who is overly serious all the time, or a brother with a lot of issues (please don’t confuse him with that type of brother)! A progressively challenging Black man, inside the intimacy and warmness of family life, can still be affectionate, passionate, compassionate, gracious and cheerful. But, he should also be broad-minded, enlightening and intense, with relevant knowledge and functional skills, suitable for survival and progressive living. In other words, the brother just needs to be balanced before you meet him, because two well-balanced souls complement each other. And don’t become seduced by the hype that opposites attract. Some Sisters, take this “opposites attract� philosophy and use it to excuse conflictual men, but there is a difference between contrast and opposites.


Modern society has damaged and confused the socio-psyche of our people. Spiritual reasoning is hard-pressed, in a world of mechanisms and materialism. Most Black academics, writers and theologians (Negro preachers) have fallen in-line with the modern modalities and are not helping us (especially Sisters) find answers to this Black male/female dilemma. They are still teaching the old enslaved Negro philosophy of “just make due� and “keep hope alive�. For, hundreds of thousands of years, original people had a reason to balance and coexist, but now we have become fractured and this is a very profitable social commodity to many, in a capitalistic society.

Remember, everything under the sun has an art and science to it, including love (which is not the delusional art of romance < Rome). Many of you, spent thousand of hours studying for income sake; many of the subjects were abstractions then and are really, abstractions to you now_lol. But, when it comes to love, soul mating, sex, cohabitating, family, and community, everything is just an emotional response or a lot of chance taking adventures.

Righteous and “good� Sisters, you need to stop looking for just a “good man� and choose one that’s right for you.



Peace and Love,

Brother Sun

[rebelAfrika]

I know this thread was directed at the sisters, but from my personal point of view, I say that there are alot of good sisters out there. Plus...what makes a sister "good" and what makes a sister "bad" is subjective. What is good for one person may be bad for another person...and vice versa.

[N.A.T.]

I got two contributions for this thread.

I think you gonna get good sistas just like you gonna get bad sistas. We in a society where education is imposed on us by the same imperialist forces that aims to contain us and prevent us from resistance. There is no situation, black, cracka, chinaman, or turban where you would find poor economic structure under captalist societies without finding bad family structures. It take economics to raise a family, and an organised community to raise that child in good light, the lack of both ends us up in a constant cycle of broken families, non productive community acts of which people are not held accountable for. etc etc.

I also think another thing that is rife through our oppression that manifests itself through our everyday lives is the issue our self-esteem. I think that aspect in terms of African men doesnt need to be explained cus its all over MTV. However, I think it rides amongst some of our sistas but they are more covert about it. I lost trust in any girl that would come up and say they was checking for a real man, I came to find out that half the time all they are looking is self esteem, someone who they know wud drop on his knees for them and kiss their toes, as long as they are aware that they are something more than nothing they wud keep that brotha on the side, lead him on, whilst they mess with other dudes that satisfy other interests of their other than their self esteem. Thats why you have cases of many true brothas being led on, the aspect of good girls and bad boys, and also the issue of girls being attracted to no good brothas simply based on the fact they are popular and have other girls after them, striving to be that special ------->1<-------.


I think when Africans deepen crisis of imperialism and capitalism, African women and men would start indentifying how to pick their partners, because the African women would understand more and more that a non-organised, middle class, sell out uncle tom, petty bourgesie type negro cant not protect her or her children from police, and African men would learn that African women without self-determination for Africans would more likely rat him out in the court or to the police for her self interest when the crisis between imperialism and Africans deepen.

So it still falls back on the same message ---> Get Organised!
Chairman Omali would say- You cant solve none of these contradictions within society until you solve the main contradiction, and thats the one between imperialism and mother Africa!

UHURU means FREEDOM!

[MotheroftheNile]

Greetings All,

I believe there are some good sistahs around, and Im hopeful there are still some good brothas around. I feel alot of times there is truly a lack of communication and compassion for one another. From my own experiences, Ive noticed men arent too happy with a woman who is "culturally centered". Society has made it so difficult for black women and men to relate to one another without feeling intimidated or insulted.

Ive noticed what I would do for a man, he would not do for me in return. I have a nurturing spirit, so I feel compelled to nurture, to honor, to respect my man. Alot of them are not looking for that or they cant provide that in return. A good man to me is one who has confidence, initiative, open-minded, compassionate, and reliable.
I seek the same traits that reflect me as a person. I had a friend tell me he couldnt be there for me, even as a friend, because his energy is focused on his career. So, I respected him for that, he at least was honest.

What Im still puzzled about, is why we are so relunctant to heal together?

I wouldnt consider myself broken, as I often heard men call women. I have discovered what has happened to my past and how it has affected me now. Now im in the process of healing and I dont feel a relationship is best for me now. But a friendship is what my heart truly desires, that these days seem impossible.

Instead I focus that energy, that would normally go into a relationship into myself. Nothing is better than falling inlove with yourself all over again.

[IfasehunReincarnated]

we cant heal one another unless we are whole ourselves. how a man with skewed images of manhood gonna heal "with" a woman? how women that dont understood true womanhood going to heal "with a man? it is the duty of men and women to do some solidarity work first and foremost.

i believe we ought to just assume that none of us is irreparably damaged in the meantime. this thread is actually done in a slightly sarcastic tone. my point is "why are we the only people on the planet still wondering if we have any good women or men in our own race???" kinda crazy, wouldnt folks agree?

[rebelAfrika]

i believe we ought to just assume that none of us is irreparably damaged in the meantime. this thread is actually done in a slightly sarcastic tone. my point is "why are we the only people on the planet still wondering if we have any good women or men in our own race???" kinda crazy, wouldnt folks agree?

EXCELLENT observations!!!

[Sun Ship]

Greetings All,

I believe there are some good sistahs around, and Im hopeful there are still some good brothas around. I feel alot of times there is truly a lack of communication and compassion for one another. From my own experiences, Ive noticed men arent too happy with a woman who is "culturally centered". Society has made it so difficult for black women and men to relate to one another without feeling intimidated or insulted.

Ive noticed what I would do for a man, he would not do for me in return. I have a nurturing spirit, so I feel compelled to nurture, to honor, to respect my man. Alot of them are not looking for that or they cant provide that in return. A good man to me is one who has confidence, initiative, open-minded, compassionate, and reliable.
I seek the same traits that reflect me as a person. I had a friend tell me he couldnt be there for me, even as a friend, because his energy is focused on his career. So, I respected him for that, he at least was honest.

What Im still puzzled about, is why we are so relunctant to heal together?

This is more of an important subject than most "culturally aware" Africans give it and I mean among their own ranks.

I sure wish that righteous Sisters and righteous Brothers could start finding each other. Blessed Sister MotheroftheNile, I here these paradoxical statements all of the time; basically the inability of progressive African-centered Brothers and Sisters to find and appreciate each other. So many are ending up with Euro-centric and reactionary mates. I have always said, “you can’t build a nation until you can define and build a family�. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen culturally and spiritually conscious Black folks having any better results of constructively pairing-up than those who are not. There is something we are not dealing with here or maybe we are afraid to deal with.



Peace,

Brother Sun :cool:

[Baba Ahmed]

Its a vital issue to get inside of. One suggestion: let those initially who're having problems in addition to posting here bring this issue to the "tables" of their organizations meetings.

Wombman/man relationships affect all others in or out of an organization; i.e., it has individual and social ramifications.

[Sun Ship]

Brother Baba Ahmed, I’ll go even further and say, “let those without problems also intensely deal with this issue in our community. Brother, though it seems like Black male/female relationships should be a shallow sidebar to more important discussions, but I have seen personally, how poor relationships manipulate, interdict and distort a lot of our more important work. It took many years, for me to realize that if we don’t have a proper cultural construct for commingling, a lot of other works will become unraveled or undone.

Peace