by, 01-29-2008 at 10:36 AM (1064 Views)
well, im starting this blog basically because i have been almost forced to write anygodamnthing. so here i am. (lmaaao)
I am a little skinny physically weak person. I had my battles when i was a kid, and i have been called "iron knee", but... those days passed by as everybody would get bigger and stronger, and i developed my speech and diplomatic tactics to avoid and stop any conflict.
I have always hanged out with more men than women, and some violent men i should say. in my teenage years we had at least one "battle" every weekend. i don't know where so many "enemies" were coming from. they would start fighting there in front of me and i would just back up and watch the madness. they didn't let me get in the middle and the fights were always over some stupid reason so there was no way i was getting in the middle and hurt for a stupid reason anyways. I was usually the one trying to talk to the other "band" and explain them how my friend/s was just drunk or whateva. nah mean.
So... as i was always the one in the back.. watching people getting hurt and all the craziness, i grew even more scared of physical confrontation and of being hurt. and losing any trust in my own ability to hurt anybody. i always lose any "joke" fights with my friends and cousins in one minute.
so much it has put in some situations where i should have stand up and do whateva necessary, but i have chosen to watter it down to avoid further conflict.
It came to a very critic point when my man, a girlfriend of us and me were walking down the street, and my man saw this dude on my back joking about touching my pretty behind, so he confronted him, and the fool reacted all stupid so my man, that cant take any kind of bullshit, started kicking his ass.
this was all in one second.. so i got really scared, paranoid and shocked while watching my man on the floor with this fool grabbing his dreadlocks. I don't even know what i did. i think i just started to scream hysterically, cause i didn't even know why he had to get into that in the first place! and i was only thinking about all the friends of this fool that were inside the bar...
so it had to be our girlfriend who got in the middle and pressed her fingers in the fool's eyes and he stopped grabbing my man's locks (he lost one) and get off him. I WAS SO ASHAMED! so so so so so so.
I decided this was the last time i let my fears got in between me and the Real Thing going on.
So.. i know i have to join some self-defense classes. and I am reading a great book suggested by my dearest warrior Daisho.
and at the same time, im improving my self-confidence while working alone in a store in a socially problematic area. I been tried to be robbed like many times already. the worst time was when these Moroccan young ins entered the store, and they were like 6 of them. and started taking stuff.. i had to grab them, fight for the stuff and get them out of there (they run with some things tho). and just last week i had to confront two different tall and strong men in their 30's who could have easily push me and run but apparently felt intimidated by me! these fools... i still don't understand why they dont just get off me and run! but i have managed to stay calm and firm and look into their eyes while i say some intimidating stuff, lol.
But im growing really confident! i hope not too much.. im starting to grab the scissors every time i see one suspicious m/f...
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