Just letting it out
by, 10-23-2008 at 11:35 PM (1233 Views)
Tired of working
Tired of TRYING
Tired of just all the damn BULLSHIT
If it isn't one thing IT'S ANOTHER
If you start getting excited about moving forward
Something always seems ready to push you back
I'm not worried about money, being seen, getting my book out there
NOTHING LIKE THAT.
It's the situation with my daughter and her mother....
I love my child, would die for my child, fought long and hard just to get to the point where I could give her something.
3 long hard years I've struggled to get this far (money wise) just to give her mother something.
I haven't been able to be there with my child at all and just looking at that you may get the wrong idea and think I WAS JUST LIVING IT UP.
But each birthday...I suffered
Each once in a blue moon phone call....I held back tears
Every time I tried to be friendly with her mother so I can truly get back into my child's life......I HAD TO ARGUE WITH HER FOR SOME PETTY REASON.
Whether it's the day after she gets money from me and she's asking for what I don't have to give.
Or (My daughters birthday was Monday 4 years old) I get pulled into some argument with her mother which would make it very trying if I made a trip up to see them.
Sometimes.....I want to just say FUCKIT
But then I would miss my child even more than I do now
I don't know what to do and no amount of advice would lead me in the right direction.....all I can do now is keep fighting.
But why do I have to fight with the mother of my child just to see MY CHILD?
..................I guess if it wasn't worth it it would be so much easier.
(Writing this while looking up Visitation Rights information)
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