Loss and growth
by, 01-23-2008 at 11:47 PM (920 Views)
Losing some one is the hardest thing to live through, a parent, an unborn child, the love of your life. When you lose any one of these people or just a very close friend your life is forever changed. Nothing feels the same days feel different nights seem longer and emotions are never the same.
I have had all 3 happen to me in the last ten years of my life. My father at 14, a pair of twins at 22 and just recently my fianca'. My father fought cancer for a while but loss his battle after a long fight. My twins from a ex were lost the same day we found out about them thanks to birth control attacking them early on, but they were alive long enough to be seen in an ultrasound picture before their death.
But for me the hardest thing I had to deal with was the loss of my queen. It wasn't a long fought battle with an illness or an unknown pregnancy that ended thanks to a pill that prevents these types of things from happening any way. But this was something that no one saw, and it's killing me. I have never thought of death in the way I am now. Not out of fear but subconciously counting my time left when I don't know when my time is. I don't fear death...I don't welcome it either...I just expect it at anytime.
My life right now seems like a time when I am trying to "close up lose ends" I'm out handling business getting things done to leave nothing unfinished behind. But I do feel some growth in this whole thing. I am more focused on getting my dreams complete then ever before in my life right now. I take nothing for granted even if it is something I never dream of taking for granted....I honor it. I let people know how much I care about them (if I do) before I argue. Most of all I honor those I love dearly.
I have these thoughts, these feelings that I carry on their lives though they are gone.
No one is dead unless you forget them so I never forget them. When they past that is the end of them, end of their hopes their dreams their past their present their future. All ties to this life are gone with them except for one thing..........The people that know and loved them, the memories of that person live on in the hearts and minds of the people they left behind. This builds a bond with all those that knew them into a circle of forever that keeps their life vivid as if they never left.
I dedicate this to those I've and we've lost.
May their memories live on forever.
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