The Butterfly That Never Was A Caterpillar!
by, 10-15-2008 at 07:36 PM (1904 Views)
15TH October 2008
I am writing this so that I can look back on my thoughts in the future see where my mind was at and see how it has progress..plus I wanted to share a page out of my life...
I dont feel the need to camouflage myself and hide.
I am open about who I AM, maybe not so open about who I WAS! But that's simple because I no longer want to indulge in the past, feel sorry for myself, I want to just learn from it and move forward!
WHOOOOAH Right now, I am so focused and sure about what I want it scares me!
My only problem is that I am not sure how to go about getting it...but I am working on it!
This year is/was a remarkable year for me both in a negative and POSITIVE LIGHT...
and has it draws to an end, I am thinking I will never ever forget it!
This was the make or break year...I thought it would be the year that I would see such a dramatic change in my life, and I did...but not in the way I intended.
Still broke as ever, now I am single and I haven't achieved much physically since last year!
BUT OH MY... I LEARNT SO MUCH! ABOUT ME! ABOUT PEOPLE!
I am stronger, wiser and focused...
NOT EGO...Because I know the HIGHER YOU GO, THE HARDER YOU FALL!
NOT COCKY...Just confident!
Now my priorities are
Me (My son is me, and I am him, so we are ONE)
Moving upwards...to the next level...elevating from this plane of existence!
Starting out and achieving those goals I set out LAST YEAR!
NO MEN, NO DISTRACTIONS, ME ME ME AND MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't stress that enough...I am no longer interested in MESSING AROUND, I only clocked this yesterday, that I really only entertain certain things out of boredom, to be fair most of the stupid decisions I have made usually is!...The next person that enters into my life on an intimate level, will also enter on a spiritual and mental one as well! CHECK MIND SEX BY DEAD PREZ!
I will know HIM when I MEET him, he aint found me yet!
I intend on taking my time, HASTE MAKES WASTE! So no more rash decisions.
I AM IN COMPETITION WITH NO ONE! I don't care what other's do or don't do, have or don't have!
I SEE YOU EYEING ME...but I don't give a damn about what you think!
This is a one woman show, I am the performer and the audience. I need no one to validate me but me.
Family and friend is not terminologies I will just throw around any more...I have set my criteria, and it has to be met for me to call you either! PERIOD!!!
In fact some people I am calling family and friends I do not even want around me at least not now...because their presence alone seems to some how dampen my spirits. THEY HAVE VERY LITTLE OR NO LIGHT AT ALL! Darkness is their Aura and their energy just seems to suck the life out of mine!
Sounds cold but its true!
I dont want to make the same mistakes again, but I R human lol, creature of habit! But hopefully the well needed discipline will fix that!
After spending plenty of time by myself and reconciling all my thoughts. I realise that the most high EXISTS!
Not in the way that the crusaders taught it to us, but in a deeper, more profound and personal level!
Well balanced, in order and everywhere! OMNIPRESENT...from the deepest galaxies to my ancestors to the blood that flows through me.
I acknowledge how much that guidance has been there for me, speaking to me, calling me, PROTECTING ME and many times I ignored it!
AND I GIVE THANKS AND PRAISES!
There is going to be a lot of fight coming my way, now that I have pre-destined my journey and hoping I reach my destination..but if I died tomorrow I would die in a happy state of mind!
I have broken so many rules over the years...whether it was just to be a rebel (which I am, don't get it twisted), Or in order to achieve something or just for trying it sakes!
Been thru A LOT, mainly from my family which I trusted and expected loyalty from and they can probably flip it around and say the same about me but coulda woulda shoulda none of that matters anymore... only the lessons I was suppose to learn.
I now cherish those experiences, they made me a woman before my time but they made a woman...WHO I AM, and I LOVE WHO I AM!
I know what I will do and won't do again...
It's no longer about what I don't/didnt have...because I got so much...
I HAVE SO MUCH!
Not in the materialistic sense, not in who will 'ride with me'...BUT I HAVE ME, I AM A LOT!!!
And that's why I could never have been a caterpillar, NEVER EVER...
I have always been and will always be a BUTTERFLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
LITI EM HOTEP
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