How Voodoo Vampires Suckered the Mindless Living Dead
by, 11-09-2008 at 03:53 PM (1021 Views)
Fox News and the Right-Wing Blogosphere Cope with a Rout
This is a redacted version of a Mark Ames article at http://www.alternet.org/
The polls had just closed when the right-wing experienced its Agony of Defeat. Just after eight, when Fox’s “America's Election HQ” show returned from a commercial break, Brit Hume welcomed viewers back to his yeah, right, “Fair and Balanced” network of family values.
Something just wasn’t right-wing, like the lack of background banter, the golf-buddy joshing had stopped. Just a silence between every one of Brit Hume's hambone, dramatic pauses. Fox cameras wandered over an incredible scene: the scum of right-wing/neocon pundits slumped in their chairs in a state of depression. They seemed incapable of faking anymore, as if they'd been on a three-day Ecstasy binge at Burning Man. Or was it Burning Cross? Now they paid the horrible, serotonin-deprived price.
Bill Kristol appeared to suffer the worst. He slouched over the table, his grotesque Stewie-shaped head skulking down to his navel, his glazed eyes staring at the floor. He strained to lift his skull when Hume called on him to comment. Kristol spoke in a raspy, slow voice, not his usual smirking, tone.
I watched Fox News Election Day expecting a lot of last-minute shrieking about voter fraud, ACORN and Barack Hussein Osama terrorist-mongering. The strange thing that day was the relatively subdued, quasi-civil tone that Fox took. They pushed those buttons on Election Day, but only halfheartedly, like a vampire having to go for his own mother’s jugular. You'd have to have watched a lot of Fox News to detect the bloodsucking shift on Nov. 4.
Before the polls opened, vampire queen Ann Coulter appeared for a few minutes to riff against the liberals, but the 47-year-old MILF-goth-wannabe vamp resembled an oddly desperate mid-life crack ho in her micro-miniskirt and knee-high fem-dom storm-trooping boots, as if she stole her imaginary teenage daughter's clubbing outfit and wanted to show off. Her appearance creeped me out, like maybe a dead-end, swastika-tatted, neocon Marilyn Manson.
What was going on? The Fox News execs came up with a Plan B approach. Gone was the usual mob-incitement chest-beating that has made Fox News such a hit in Utah where pupils might get lucky with the teacher, yet they are home-schooled. (If you don’t get it, look in the mirror.) The witch doctors of the Republican right-wing zombies of voodoo economics threw in the towel. Just before the elections, Kristol tossed out his entire 30-year divide-and-quagmire playbook in favor of “hey, can‘t we all get along?” The right-wing scum rose to the top to let America kno (in so many words) that the vote for McCain-Palin was a vote for disaster.
The Fox execs also did their best to affect a civil, gracious tone. That's why watching the Fox News agony-of-defeat spectacle was more subtle than I'd expected: The vampires had decided to abandon their zombie ghouls. If I wanted to get a glimpse into the raw screeching agony that the right wing really feels I needed to venture into the blog world, where they could squeal their lungs out in cyberspace. The “patriots” at Freerepublic.com, which boasts millions of visitors, went through at least four rapid stages of decline on Election Day. They had hope, then utter shock at the realization of defeat. Then they become outraged and felt betrayal, and finally the right-wing living dead turned to Christian hypocrisy and puppet-mouth drivel about Red Dawn armed insurrection.
The Living Dead aren't just outraged at Obama and the communist-Islamo-terrorists taking over the White House; they are also outraged at the Republican Party that “betrayed” them, outraged at the American population that proved to be nothing but brainwashed “sheeple” (someone named kimchilover wrote, “For the first time, in my adult life, I am ashamed of my country … my little take on Michelle’s sentiments“), and even outraged at, yes, Fox News. Many couldn't make sense of being abandoned by Fox. As one commenter wrote, “Watch Fox with the sound off and you will be LESS aggravated.” Doh!
The most desperate, toothless woofing stance of all the spineless nerds in Freeperland said, All over but the shooting. Stock up on guns and ammo. Use them whenever necessary. (PermaRag)
B-list neocon blogzine Pajamas Media gave a feel of where the Republican elite and their lynch-mob followers are in Pajamas, which schleps with a more coastal, secular neocon demographic than the frenetic Freepers. You see what was only hinted at on Fox News.
On Pajamas, the savvier right-wing bloodsuckers, the ones with their real names attached, also adopted a grotesquely insincere “let's be civil and dignified” tone. One Election Day blog article was headlined “Let's Take Some Pride in Obama's Election -- No Matter Who We Voted For,” droning the puppet-mouth drivel first slavered by right-wing leaders.
No one on Pajamas exemplified this hypocritical shift more than Rick Moran, a bloodsucking toxic turd, the missing link between Neanderthal and spineless jellyfish. In August, pushing the Bill Ayers smear, Moran wrote, "we can say for certain that Obama is a liar of the first magnitude." J Edgar Hoover once said something similar about Martin Luther King. Just two weeks ago, Moran posted a vicious article entitled “Adolph Hitler Donates to Obama Campaign,” as if the right-wing must deny the uber rightist. Then, when it was clear to everyone in America except the stooges that Obama was going to sweep, Moran published a blog entry titled "Embrace the Future," in which he tried positioning himself as the leader of the Right-Wing Reconciliation Committee, denouncing the Obama hysteria that he promoted, distancing himself from his own divisive rhetoric.
They're already congratulating themselves for their own cynical new civility, as in “How the Rightosphere (Right-of-Fear?) Copes With Defeat.” Moran is a moron, but he's keeping up with the vampires rather than sticking with the zombies. That's the new official line for all the neo-con bloodsuckers angling to remain relevant in the new Obama era. Up in the cheap seats for the right-wing, it was all moaning against this GOP official line.
It's not just that the liberals overthrew the tobacco-spitting right-wing, but that their bullet-mouth leaders now find backwoods savagery a liability. It's the fury of living dead loyalists having been played for the biggest suckers in America by a party which trashed the greatest economic boom in history, bogged the country down in two half-baked wars, then totally sold out its constituency.
Despite all this, the zombies behave as if nothing is wrong, which is how zombies are programmed to behave. They go on as if they cannot wait for the next four years, or for Obama to die some kind of way, expecting some freak miracle or inbred jackass to off the black N-word prez so they can body surf at bigger and badder Lollipa-loser Burning Cross concerts.
It is an incredible spectacle to behold: the Republican elite abandoning a 30-year narrative at the snap of a finger just to make sure that it is positioned in the new Obama dynamic. The Republican elite has clearly decided that the "Real America" it had exploited is a liability. It's amazing how seamlessly and quickly it threw its own audience under the bus. Witness the smear campaign against the right-wingers heroic air-head dummy, Sarah Palin, now being taken down by none other than Bill O‘Reilly.
The living dead’s sense of rage and betrayal from all this is so great that you can feel and smell their neo-nazi hatred rising against Jews. Comments to a post-election article titled “Obama Receives 77% of Jewish Vote -- More Than Kerry” read like this: “I have always supported Israel and the Jewish people -- NO MORE -- if Iran throws a few missiles their way -- too bad! I don't care anymore!” A blind man can see the schools of racist bloodsuckers turning on their own like a rabid hydra.
All in all, Nov. 4 was a great day for us warm-blooded animals. Nov. 4 delivered not only hope, but satisfying comedy, to watch millions of Dean Wormers and Neidermeyers howling in right-wing rage. But Fox's sly response shows that the smarter ones are already strategizing, and that the split in the Republican Party between the crafty elite and the flesh-eating zombies who until now served as its base means that there's plenty more comic entertainment and gloating to come.
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