This SISTAH's JOURNEY to SELF DISCOVERY
by, 06-03-2010 at 10:36 PM (1126 Views)
I want to thank our Komrade and Brother ARMEDRESISTANCE84 for his forum posting "BEFORE PAN-AFRICAN/BLACK NATIONALIST VIEWS......" which was my inspiration for writing this blog. I love you and appreciate you Fam. Bless Up!
NATION of ISLAM:
Raised in a christian household, it was hard trying to conceal my interest in the Nation. "Oh, your a Muslim now? As long as you're not militant, we're alright." But what grabbed my attention (sadly) was a friend of mine telling me about a brotha she'd met who belonged to the NOI. Everything from the way he spoke to her, complimented her, and respected her forced my attention away from the weed smoking, dope dealing ignorant "niggas" I used to run with. I thought "Maybe in order for me come across the type of man who I believed I deserved, I should conform to a more legitimate type of lifestyle"..... which I thought the Nation epitomized. When I heard non-Muslims encouraged by the words of the hon. Minister Louis Farrakhan, the idea of "converting" pressured a little more. My third eye told me that what I was going through was indeed meaningful, but not yet a spiritual experience. I was called everything from a heathen to a b!tch. All because everyone in my inner circle had been raised, just as I, in a Christian household. Eventually the tension calmed down, and although folks didn't respect my pursuits, they had no choice but to accept the situation for what it was. I even had a friend go out of her way to make sure I had my hands on my own Qur'an. Islam proved to be the escape I needed from the defiant lifestyle I was living but I came to realize that if I had to question most of anything about a particular system of beliefs.....it wasn't for me. Religion, I came to believe, was too much of a distraction from the spiritual connection we were meant to have with God.
This was the time I met some of the most narrow minded people in my life. Not all, but many of the folks I would [try] to build with were more concerned about the spliff they had waiting for them later or Bob Marley. Marley influenced the movement, but he was definitely not IT. Some of the folks I crossed paths with proved to be more of a disrespect to the movement than anything else. This was supposed to be my chance to step outside of myself and breakaway (once more) from the life I led. Everything RASTA stood for was the opposite of who and what I'd become. From the outside looking in people would see the clothes I wore, the company I kept, the activities I participated in, drugs I used, the food I ate, etc, and know and understand that this movement in no way paralleled my lifestyle. (From the principles of Maat, living a life of purity and the non-conformist views against society). I was able to ignore the ignorance I saw in the people but could only embody parts of the movement and the lifestyle that Rasta lived by. My heart was in it..........but not 100%.
NATION of GOD's and EARTH (5 PERCENTERS)
Where do I start? The NGE was an interesting "discovery". Even to this day I respect much of the knowledge I received from them. What grabbed my attention early was the knowledge behind Supreme Mathematics. I don't remember a time when I ever had so many questions about a particular subject. But the concept behind God (man) and Earth (woman) made so much sense. Man was made in the likeness of God. And Erykah Badu said it best when she said "We were made in his image so call us by our name. Most intellects do not believe in God but they fear us just the same." Woman was symbolized as earth, being that the planet was where God produced life.
At this time I was influenced more toward Pan Afrikan studies. I was taught to build on my "knowledge of self" which encouraged me to become even more of an avid reader than I was. I can't say this enough: I am a scholar by nature. I hunger and thirst for the answers to my questions. While my friends and I would call ourselves QUEENS because some "nigga" we were laying down with whispered it in our ear, I learned the true reason why all Afrikan and Afrikan Amerikan-born women were Queens. Our history, struggle and presence alone illustrates that just right.
So all in all, everything I've been through, each person I've met, every speech, preacher and song lyric I've heard, every book I've opened and every word I read -led me here. And I couldn't be more in place, welcomed and at home. Peace Family.
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