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    Sistahs_Keeper

    This SISTAH's JOURNEY to SELF DISCOVERY

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    by , 06-03-2010 at 11:36 PM (1144 Views)

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    I want to thank our Komrade and Brother ARMEDRESISTANCE84 for his forum posting "BEFORE PAN-AFRICAN/BLACK NATIONALIST VIEWS......" which was my inspiration for writing this blog. I love you and appreciate you Fam. Bless Up!

    NATION of ISLAM:
    Raised in a christian household, it was hard trying to conceal my interest in the Nation. "Oh, your a Muslim now? As long as you're not militant, we're alright." But what grabbed my attention (sadly) was a friend of mine telling me about a brotha she'd met who belonged to the NOI. Everything from the way he spoke to her, complimented her, and respected her forced my attention away from the weed smoking, dope dealing ignorant "niggas" I used to run with. I thought "Maybe in order for me come across the type of man who I believed I deserved, I should conform to a more legitimate type of lifestyle"..... which I thought the Nation epitomized. When I heard non-Muslims encouraged by the words of the hon. Minister Louis Farrakhan, the idea of "converting" pressured a little more. My third eye told me that what I was going through was indeed meaningful, but not yet a spiritual experience. I was called everything from a heathen to a b!tch. All because everyone in my inner circle had been raised, just as I, in a Christian household. Eventually the tension calmed down, and although folks didn't respect my pursuits, they had no choice but to accept the situation for what it was. I even had a friend go out of her way to make sure I had my hands on my own Qur'an. Islam proved to be the escape I needed from the defiant lifestyle I was living but I came to realize that if I had to question most of anything about a particular system of beliefs.....it wasn't for me. Religion, I came to believe, was too much of a distraction from the spiritual connection we were meant to have with God.

    RASTAFARI

    This was the time I met some of the most narrow minded people in my life. Not all, but many of the folks I would [try] to build with were more concerned about the spliff they had waiting for them later or Bob Marley. Marley influenced the movement, but he was definitely not IT. Some of the folks I crossed paths with proved to be more of a disrespect to the movement than anything else. This was supposed to be my chance to step outside of myself and breakaway (once more) from the life I led. Everything RASTA stood for was the opposite of who and what I'd become. From the outside looking in people would see the clothes I wore, the company I kept, the activities I participated in, drugs I used, the food I ate, etc, and know and understand that this movement in no way paralleled my lifestyle. (From the principles of Maat, living a life of purity and the non-conformist views against society). I was able to ignore the ignorance I saw in the people but could only embody parts of the movement and the lifestyle that Rasta lived by. My heart was in it..........but not 100%.

    NATION of GOD's and EARTH (5 PERCENTERS)
    Where do I start? The NGE was an interesting "discovery". Even to this day I respect much of the knowledge I received from them. What grabbed my attention early was the knowledge behind Supreme Mathematics. I don't remember a time when I ever had so many questions about a particular subject. But the concept behind God (man) and Earth (woman) made so much sense. Man was made in the likeness of God. And Erykah Badu said it best when she said "We were made in his image so call us by our name. Most intellects do not believe in God but they fear us just the same." Woman was symbolized as earth, being that the planet was where God produced life.

    At this time I was influenced more toward Pan Afrikan studies. I was taught to build on my "knowledge of self" which encouraged me to become even more of an avid reader than I was. I can't say this enough: I am a scholar by nature. I hunger and thirst for the answers to my questions. While my friends and I would call ourselves QUEENS because some "nigga" we were laying down with whispered it in our ear, I learned the true reason why all Afrikan and Afrikan Amerikan-born women were Queens. Our history, struggle and presence alone illustrates that just right.

    So all in all, everything I've been through, each person I've met, every speech, preacher and song lyric I've heard, every book I've opened and every word I read -led me here. And I couldn't be more in place, welcomed and at home. Peace Family.

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    Updated 06-03-2010 at 11:43 PM by Sistahs_Keeper (word change)

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    Comments

    1. XXPANTHAXX's Avatar
      Asante sana and we look forward to your continued growth..

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    2. ArmedResistance84's Avatar
      I always find it interesting to know the paths people have traveled in thier lives to lead up to such personal changes.I llike your writing, kinda feels like I'm actually talking to you while reading it. I appreciate the acknowledgement of my thread. I love and appreciate you too Sister.You are truly remarkable. Hope to read more from you.

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    3. edwins's Avatar
      greetings-

      very interesting- i am always intrigued by the intimate portrayal of one's journey- many people are not capable of the introspection required to pen such a dissertation as you have. it speaks volumes for you to share it with us. your spirit requests and receives care, compassion and warmth. you are an inspiration...

      peace be upon you

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    4. DarkManJah's Avatar
      It can be unsettling how too many people will RESIST another's desire to change, to revolutionize their thinking and surroundings. Sometimes we may go thru several doors to get where we feel we belong. i wonder though if you feel you opened the final door, or is there a final door? Glad you found your new Home, Sistah.

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    5. empowertheyouth's Avatar
      I am so happy to have read this because I am on my path to "discover" what is right for me. Like you the Nation seems perfect everything makes so much sense. I just keep reading and researching more about it. Truthfully all i have met have been God's and appreciate hearing from an Earth's perspective.

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    6. Sistahs_Keeper's Avatar
      Quote Originally Posted by edwins
      greetings-

      very interesting- i am always intrigued by the intimate portrayal of one's journey- many people are not capable of the introspection required to pen such a dissertation as you have. it speaks volumes for you to share it with us. your spirit requests and receives care, compassion and warmth. you are an inspiration...

      peace be upon you
      I appreciate your response. My journey is still not over yet. In some respects, I guess it never truly ends. Bless.

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    7. Sistahs_Keeper's Avatar
      Quote Originally Posted by DarkManJah
      It can be unsettling how too many people will RESIST another's desire to change, to revolutionize their thinking and surroundings. Sometimes we may go thru several doors to get where we feel we belong. i wonder though if you feel you opened the final door, or is there a final door? Glad you found your new Home, Sistah.
      In my response to Brother Edwins, I said that my journey is not over yet but in some respects I guess it never truly ends. But that's the beauty of the journey and thus, the struggle. Every new piece of information we are introduced to will either build on what we know and push us further along our path, or it will enlighten us in a different way, forcing us to detour and create our own. I definitely don't feel as though I opened any final door, but I know for sure that I'm on the right path to get there if there is one. I'm appreciative of the folks walking beside me and those standing behind me to push me when I feel I can't. For those folks who stand in my path with their foot out waiting for me to fall-I love them too. And my love grows each time I fall and get back up again. They are the one's who make me stronger because I've learned that we don't learn as much from our triumphs as we do from our trials and tribulations. I thank them fools for their "tough love" because at the end of the day, I always came out on top. After the lesson was learned, the end result was ALWAYS a better and stronger ME. Be safe and Bless.

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