Polygyny, monogamy, or the sexual evolution of Black women
by, 02-12-2008 at 06:23 PM (13855 Views)
The more I think about this subject the more I feel I’m having a epiphany, for over the years I have studied this subject and debated it from a problem/solution perspective, but I have to admit, if something is not part of the developing modern American paradigm, than it may not be relevant regardless if it might be part of a “perceived” solution.
There are two parts to the marital cultural paradigm that has to be considered when one looks back to prehistory and female-based matristic societies; one is the communal nature of women that I feel was responsible for eventually developing an unadulterated non-patriarchal form of polygyny, and secondly along side that the possible absolute sexual expression of women on every level including ritualistically, spiritually, and what men described as a form of exhibitionism, all of which were something men feared and equated to whoredom, promiscuity, and infidelity later in patriarchal culture associated with sin, wickedness, demonology, and punishable by death.
I think the latter is clashing and even being exploited in today’s world as women attempt to rediscover themselves as sexual beings in a distorted male dominated society, in which many women have inner-conflicts with what they themselves have long agreed with within this patriarchal cultural paradigm, as in the need for monogamy.
A lot of this exploitation is exemplified in this consumer-driven society in which people are not attracted or attached to what they need, but to what they want to experience at any given time. And facts mean nothing when it comes to living out those experiences. And for consumerism to be so strong, individuality and self-gratification has to be the “drug of the day”.
So many Black women in general see themselves doing much better in the American and European cultural experience, regardless of the discrimination, their poverty rate, their homelessness, the wife battery, and the abusive relationships that comes along with a society that is still trying to romantically promote a traditional monogamist goal for all women on one hand, and promotes all types of infidelity and non-commitment on the other…an interesting mix to say the least. And I think this type of compromise is given over to this culture because in some convoluted way it allows women also the option of an uncloistered life free of libidinal oppression, which is expressed sexually, intellectually, and in social-consciousness.
There is a thin-line between a non-committal woman and an independent woman, singlehood amongst women is not always a lack of choice, as much as it is a choice from a position of strength that is preferred as it relates to their deeper personal desires and individual needs.
Regardless of what we dream of and try to promote, right now this situation is not going to change, for I have to realize that women strongly embrace and are helping to develop the culture we have today, which is sexually charged with a lot of titillation, expectations, full of hope, and fantasy. It’s all part of the virtual reality and pursuit of happiness we live in. Men will not change, because the culture we have now is a players paradise and is more conducive to having pseudo-committal, or non-committal relationships with multiple women over a lifetime, which is more than polygyny could ever offer, and even if you get involved with one woman this culture let’s you easily replace her, and get another one (even women cosign this idea); and I have rarely met a single Black woman who will not be your other woman if not for just the one-time thrill alone, let alone for the long-term. And I ‘m NOT making this statement as a moral judgment, I have realized, “it is what it is” , and more importantly there may be an unseen archetypal psychological reason behind the veil of what seems to be dysfunctionality or a lack of social responsibility.
I have yet to prove women are wrong for supporting this social construct, or yet to find men who don’t enjoy or exercise this option.
What helps these ideas regardless if they're not conducive to what we liken to civility or stable community in present times, is the fact that we like most American’s like competitiveness and sports (another consumerist past time). There is also a lot of hypocrisy inbred in American culture, along with dishonestly and the intrigue of a woman being able to get a preying man when her friends can’t, or a man being able to have as many experiences as he would like (in both cases, this is on some deeper physiological level). Also, I think women more than men like their ever-evolving sexual freedom even if they are not always at peace with it or admit to it, more than they like being settled down or committed, especially in a community whereas so many Black women are free, single, and “perceivably” happy.
So I don’t think it’s about polygyny being right or wrong, or monogamy being the preferred if obtained, I think it’s really about subliminally a sexual evolution amongst Black women that is going to be the culturally defining rule or clarifier of the future, and is no doubt responsible for an ever-changing dating and marriage scene as we know it. I think both Black men and women have to be open to this perspective and find the honestly that is now lacking to explore and resolve the inevitable within a workable social construct.
Brother Sun Ship
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