Fatherhood vs. Baby Daddy

[nattyreb]

*From The Ramparts*
Junious Ricardo Stanton
*Fatherhood vs Baby Daddy*

/“Black men must be believers in Black people (men, women and children)
twenty-four hours a day and develop a lifestyle that clearly state we re
not for sale... We are a social people and the Black family has been the
foundation of our strength. Our foundation is weakened when the men are
confused about their role, rather their mission in life.” /Haki R Madhubuti

The third Sunday in June is the day set aside to honor fathers. In
AmeriKKKa it is a time for retail shopping and spending, so in order to
keep the cash registers ringing, the Madison Avenue mind molders and
advertising gurus added graduation to the theme. Now they call the day
Dads and Grads. In a way it is quite revealing and symbolic. Fatherhood
is being undermined and supplanted by marketers for a few dollars more.
In our communities, real fathers, the protectors, supporters and role
models for manhood for both boys and girls have been replaced by the
term “baby daddy”. In its’ most crass definition it means the male who
impregnated the female to produce the baby. The term baby daddy is
usually followed by the word drama as in baby daddy drama to designate
an unwed couple experiencing a chaotic often contentious relationship.
The flip side of baby daddy drama is baby mama drama. This is a sad
commentary on just how far parenthood and male-female relationships have
devolved in this society.

In the black community it is sacrilegious to disrespect one’s mother or
to criticize motherhood in general, even though our women have been
under a relentless assault since we were brought to this hemisphere in
chains. Our women have been dogged out and denigrated since 1619. The
white woman was held up as the ideal, Miss Ann the lazy loafing female
who was too trifling to even nurse her own children was held up as the
role model for femininity! The Mammy ideal, the black women who subsumed
their own needs and the needs of their families for the benefit of
whites were held up and valued. These women were praised and prized for
their nurturing abilities especially for Massah’s children.

Black males on the other hand, even the most docile house servants were
always viewed with suspicion. Black men posed a serious theat. Knowing
full well the dominance of black genes, white men feared miscegenation
and sexual race mixing unless they were driven by their lust to be the
ones doing the impregnating. White men feared black men would attempt to
get free or worse pay them back for the evil they did to us. White men
also feared the residual strength and mental acumen of the black male,
so they endeavored to discourage us and emasculate us at every turn. It
is a deep insight into the perverse psyche of whites that even after
murdering black males by hanging or what they called lynching, they
often cut off the victim’s genitals. In addition to cutting off other
extremities depraved whites often kept the penis as a souvenir.
From a financial perspective whites did appreciate black’s ability to
reproduce and went to great lengths to selectively breed their blacks
just like they did their horses and cattle. This is part of the insanity
of AmeriKKKan slavery. Whites needed black men to be virile as long as
it was controlled and profitable for them! But all the while they
intuitively feared Black males and did everything in their power to
minimize our ability to be fully actualized men.

Despite the legacy of slavery in which our unions and marriages were not
accorded full respect and legal standing, our ancestors did everything
in their power to make the marriages work; often under the most trying
and egregious circumstances. Nevertheless when I was coming up in the
‘50 and 60's every house in my neighborhood had a man in it, father,
grandfather or in my case a great uncle. My father died when I was three
years old, my parents had been married for twelve years. Even though I
grew up without a father, I was blessed to grow up in a time and place
when men asserted themselves and made every effort to support and
protect their families. I saw men get up and go to work everyday. These
men worked in factories, they worked as mechanics, police officers,
postal workers, they worked in the ship yard and many did low wage
menial work. But they went to work and they supported their families.
They set the tone and tenor for our neighborhood: no nonsense, be
respectful law abiding, go to church and look out for the whole community.
More importantly the men in my neighborhood took the time to know all
the children and they let us know they were watching us. When the
occasion warranted, they chastised us, sent us on our way and held us
accountable for our behavior. These black men were the epitome of
fathers. They were not merely sperm donors, they took their roles as
males and fathers seriously. Times are much different now. A myriad of
forces has attacked the black family, liberal divorce laws, changing
religious attitudes, federal, state and local government policies
regarding welfare and aid and the role of the corporate media have all
impacted us over the past four or five decades.

Today being a father means almost nothing. Given the decadence and
debauchery promoted by the mass media, it is no wonder fatherhood has
been reduced to “baby daddy” casual relationships. This is one of the
main reasons our community is so dis-empowered, so disorganized,
discombobulated and in so much turmoil. We don’t have the type of male
role models today we had when I was growing up. Except in rare occasions
we don’t see men and women getting married and staying married for forty
or more years. We don’t see couples working out their differences,
making sacrifices and working together to raise their children and
grandchildren.

Were times easier when I was growing up? Not hardly. Racism and economic
privation were the order of the day. Government sanctioned apartheid was
in full effect. But the values were different then. Black folks aspired
to do and be better, to make changes and make things better for the next
generation. Being a man meant more than just having a penis, wearing
jewelry or having a nice car. Being a real man meant shouldering
responsibility, starting a family and supporting them even if you and
the mother didn’t get along! Being a man meant chipping in to set a
positive and protective tone in the community. The men in my community
stepped to youngsters who got out of line and even went so far as to let
the parents know they did it. Nowadays you better not correct or
chastise a child, even if the child is way out of line, the parents will
go off on you.

Given the changes in AmeriKKKan society it is unlikely we will go back
to those times but, that doesn’t mean we cannot alter or improve the way
we carry ourselves and handle our business. We can still be role models.
We can still make an impact on the lives of our children. We can be
actively involved in our children’s lives. We an volunteer and be
supportive in the neighborhood. We can be more than a sperm donator, we
can be real fathers and real men. As we celebrate Father’s Day, let us
contemplate the highest ideals of what it means to be a real father and
real men. Let’s manifest these ideals and live them whether we have
children or not.

-30-

[Im The Truth]

Check it out! Where do you fit in?

[Majadi]

Fatherhood rocks, as a newly Single Dad (again!) I love this ish' my 16 year old daughter is brilliant and vibrant. I have been with her the entirety of her life! I have been that one consistent factor wherein her biological mother was and is irrelevant in her growth and development. I do have my ex-wife who has been with her since she was 6 years so this has been beneficial as she is a great mother! My fatherhood is one of my many crowns, and I absolutely adore this, any man that does not, well brother I am sorry for ya'