Mentoring the Youth Through a Church....

[Fenix]

Peace y'all.

I need some help!

Around the time I returned to Houston, I met a young girl who is a friend of one of my mentees and to make it plain...she is in need of some SERIOUS guidance. To the extent that, I was considering walking away from her situation because I just knew that I couldn't help. I don't have the time. I don't know what to say to her, etc. I made several excuses, each more feeble than the last.

Needless to say, her pull was entirely too strong. I could not shake thoughts of her. So a few weeks ago I finally got up and went to speak with her. Well, I met her mother (who is also in need of guidance) and we discussed the fact that her daughter had come to me asking for help and that I was more than willing to help in whatever way I could.

Her mother's response was that she didn't want her daughter involved with me because I'm not involved with the church. I don't do well with Christians but I felt like I needed to at least give it a try. I set up a meeting with a local pastor about starting a program or something through his church. His response was that I would need to be a member and also go through Bible School (whatever that is) because he didn't want just anyone involved with his kids.

Fair enough but there's one snag...I don't believe in a Christian God. My initial thought is to just go through the process, the girls need help and clearly the church isn't giving it to them. But I don't feel completely comfortable going through those motions because it'd be almost like trivializing their faith and I'm not into that at all.

That finally brings me to my question. What should I do?? I really want to help these girls but the thought of being a member of that church curdles my blood. I'm completely lost with this one family. How do you get through to someone who realizes that their child needs help but won't accept it because your religious beliefs don't align?

Please help!

[Im The Truth]

I can understand the pastor's point of view cuz if I had an institution I'd do the same. You didn't say the pastor was opposed to you helping the girl. Nor did you say he was opposed to you helping him help the girl. Most churches have programs to help young people or at least occupy their time. Typically that's the first problem with most troubled young people is their time is not occupied, the church can help with that. You just have to volunteer to help them solve that problem. It sounds like Bible study works for that. I'm sure her mother or pastor wouldn't oppose you picking her up and taking her to Bible study or any other church youth program - that'll give you time to talk with the girl. If they are opposed to that then surely the pastor, not her mother, can find a devoted church member to do that.

After you solve the problem of her having too much time you have options of dealing with the real and other issues. What makes you think she needs "some SERIOUS guidance"?

[nattyreb]

Also, are they saying you have to actually join their church or be a member of any church, so long as it's Christian? i'm asking that because i'm wondering if you could recruit one of your Christian Sis./Bros. to work within the Bible School to get a foot in the door, with you providing the information and whatever other support work so as not to overburden them. If they could break down that barrier for you, i believe that in time you could win their confidence with your fantastic ideas and loving personality, proving that you are not a threat to their belief system.

[Fenix]

Thanks for the responses! From talking with a pastor, it sounds as if he would rather me be a member of his church but I will check with him to clarify that point. He is very interested in starting a program or even just having me around because his church is so small that there aren't any programs to assist the youth.

As far as the little girl, our first conversation touched on her drug use, sexual activity, cutting class and her general penchant for trouble. She's currently suspended for fighting which she doesn't mind because it gives her more time to do all the things she needs to do. I know that she just needs love but at this point, I'm working two jobs and I don't think she needs me to partially be in her life. She has a potty mouth and a really bad outlook on life (hers in particular). It's nothing that I don't think I can help especially because she is reaching out to me but I don't want to enter her life if I will not be able to be fully dedicated.

As far as her mother is concerned, I listened to her demean and verbally abuse her daughter and then turn around and tell me that I couldn't be in the girl's life because I wasn't in the Church. I understand that it is her prerogative as a mother but I won't lie, it bothered me a bit. Perhaps I took it too personally.

I think that my next step will be to have a deeper conversation with the pastor and let him know the things I intend to discuss with the little sister.

Again, thanks for the advice and thanks for listening to me rant and vent!

[Walk Wit Me]

infidels are people too

;/

[Jalili]

Man, that is a rough coice when you are on a different thought plan.

Let me get back to you on what I think because this is something I want to think about because i have some things going on that some one match the same thing your are dealing with.

[Jalili]

We are putting on several teen events at the library, I am not on the level with many of these folks at the library but I think about what we can do for these young folks and I do what's need.
Whether it's pulling back a few of my views and ideas to get to the young people
Or if it is doing something with a group I really don't want to do.

Look at it this way if you tell the pastor its about the kids and not about you or them joining the church and he understands or not let them know that no matter what you are their to help them out.